You're My Best Friend
by PeppermintNightmare
Summary: School is rough for Howard, but worse for Vince. A Boosh origin story, I suppose. Rated K plus for one curse word, rating may change later.
1. Kids in the Street

Howard Moon was an impeccably dressed eleven year old. His school uniform was always freshly ironed, his shoes were always shiny, and his tie was always straight. It was Thursday, and Howard was looking forward to the end of the school week. Howard didn't like school. He liked learning, and he liked his teacher, but the other kids did not like him. They called him rude names like 'Howard the Coward' or 'Freak' and pushed him when the teacher wasn't looking.

But there were worse things than being Howard Moon. Like, for instance, being Vince Noir. Howard looked towards the front of the classroom at the tiny boy seated in the front row. Vince Noir had shown up halfway through the school year. No one spoke to Vince Noir. Unless, of course, they were making fun of him. Vince Noir had long blonde hair and giant blue eyes. Vince Noir was tiny, almost pixie-like in comparison to the other children. And he looked more like a little girl than a little boy. Vince Noir spent as much time as he could away from the other children. He slunk around the far reaches of the playground at recess, avoided conversation and even eye contact.

Vince Noir hadn't always been like that, when he'd first arrived at the school he'd been bright and cheerful. He would speak to anyone, about anything. But one day Vince Noir had been heard cooing at a pigeon, which had sealed his fate for the rest of his school career. From that day onward, no one could afford to be seen in the company of Vince Noir. The other children stopped speaking to him, ridiculed him instead. At first they only touched on the pigeon incident, but they had tired of that eventually and moved on to his physical appearance. His hair was an easy target, as were the buttons Vince Noir had pinned to his uniform. They were from rock and roll bands like Kiss and the Rolling Stones. Vince Noir painted his nails. He was teased for this as well. Sometimes Vince Noir wore bracelets or a necklace to school. He was attacked for it every time.

Over the past few months the children had invented a sort of competition to see who could say the cruelest thing to the blonde boy. Whose words could cut the deepest? Who could make tears well up in Vince Noir's big blue eyes?

Yes, there were worse things in this world than being Howard Moon. Howard settled into his seat at the back of the room and waited out the school day.

* * *

When the last bell rang that afternoon Howard carefully packed up his belongings and stowed them in his tweed backpack. He was so careful that he was almost the last student out of the door. Vince Noir had been one of the first. Vince Noir was _always _one of the first. Howard pulled the straps of his bag over his shoulders and walked out of the school. Howard had to walk home, but it was only a couple of blocks from school to his house. As he walked, Howard thought about lovely things like Jazz and his new pencil case. His chain of thought was broken, however, when he heard a sound he'd never heard before.

It was a desperate sound, a cross between a whine and a howl, animal-like. But then the creature called out "Help! Help me, please!" Then it howled again. The voice sounded like a boy, so Howard ran towards it at top speed. He rounded a corner and found himself at the river side, where he saw a group of three older boys kicking at a bundle on the ground. The bundle was whimpering.

"Dad! Dad, they're over here!" Howard yelled. He wasn't sure why he said it, but it made the big boys take notice.

"Shit," one said, looking up at the sound of Howard's voice. "Come on, let's get out of here!" The older boys abandoned the bundle and ran off.

Howard hurried toward the bundle. He recognized a school uniform identical to his own. Then he recognized the dirty blonde hair. The bundle was Vince Noir. The boy was shaking and whimpering.

"Alright?" Howard asked.

Vince looked up at him, tears sparkling in his eyes. "No."

"Oh." Howard paused. "You're bleeding."

"I know," Vince said. He remained frozen on the sidewalk, staring up at Howard.

"My name is Howard Moon. You're Vince Noir. I'm in your class."

"I know." There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Can you stand up?" Vince didn't answer. "Come on, I live over here. My mum can clean you up." Howard offered a hand to Vince. Vince hesitated, then shifted to take it. That was when Howard noticed that Vince was holding a little tabby kitten. "Is that your cat?" Howard asked as he pulled Vince to his feet.

"No. I was jus' tryin' to help 'im. Those boys was gonna throw him in the river. I thought they was gonna throw _me_ in the river too. Why'd you help- oh, I'm dizzy." Vince staggered and Howard's free hand shot out to steady him.

"We've got to get you to my mum. Come on, it's not far. Can you walk?"

"I think so." Howard supported Vince as they slowly made their way down the street. They stopped in front of a plain two story brick house with a small front garden.

"This is my house," Howard said. He led the way to the front steps, pulling a reluctant Vince along behind him. "Mum! Mum!" Howard called out as he tugged Vince up the steps and through the front door, slamming it behind them.

"Howard! You do _not_ slam the door. How many times do I have to- Oh. Oh, dear, Howard, who's this? What's happened?" Howard's mum, a tall, plain featured brunette, rushed to kneel down in front of the two boys.

"Mum, this is Vince Noir. I saw him after school, some bigger boys were hitting him. Can you help him Mum? Please?"

"Oh, of course I'll help. Come into the kitchen, both of you." Mrs. Moon stood and led the way to the small kitchen at the back of the house. She turned on the tap at the sink and pulled a rag from a drawer. "Howard, who were these boys? Did they hurt you too?"

"I'm not hurt.I don't who they were Mum. They had a different uniform than I do."

"Well, if you see them again, you tell me." Her eyes fell on Vince's battered form. Bruises were already forming rings around his eyes, dried blood from his nose and lip crusted his face. "What sort of kid does this?" she asked herself quietly. She raised her voice, "Come on, pet, take a seat." Mrs. Moon pulled a wooden chair out from the round table in the middle of the kitchen. Vince glanced warily at Howard before complying. "You poor little thing," Mrs. Moon tutted, while she moved the rag under warm water from the sink. "How old are you Vince?" she asked as she rubbed the blood from Vince's face with the rag. Howard watched the proceedings with interest.

"Eleven." He winced as the rag brushed against the bruises around his eyes.

"Sorry pet," Mrs. Moon said. "Eleven, eh? That's the same as Howard. Do you know him from school?"

"Uh... sort of." Vince glanced at Howard's still form. "He's in my class."

"Mmm," Mrs. Moon hummed as she finished washing Vince's face. "There we go," she said as she dropped the blood stained rag into the sink. "Do you feel better now pet?" Vince nodded. The bruises around his eyes had blackened further, which caused his eyes to stand out from his face even more than usual. She glanced at the kitten the boy held securely against his chest. "Do you think you could let go of your kitten for a second? I'll get him some milk to drink."

"Okay." Mrs. Moon found a bowl, filled it with milk from the refrigerator, and sat it on the table next to Vince, who carefully placed the cat on the table. The kitten lapped at the milk hungrily. It was a pathetic example of a cat, almost as scrawny as Vince himself.

"What's your kitten's name?" Mrs. Moon asked.

"Gary," Vince answered.

"That's a good name," Mrs. Moon said. "Vince, honey, do you think you could tell me what happened to you?" Vince looked down at his hands. "Come now, pet. I just want to help."

Vince plucked Gary from the table and placed the kitten in his lap. Stroking the little cat's head seemed to lend Vince some confidence, as the story came spilling from his lips in a rush. "Well... I was walking by the river, and I heard somebody yellin' 'Help! Help!'. So I ran over 'cos I wanted to help and I saw three 'orrible boys hurting Gary. They were gonna throw him in the river! So I said 'Oi! Stop that you!' And I ran and I snatched up Gary, 'cept I wasn't quite quick enough 'cause those other boys grabbed me, and then they started hurtin' _me_! 'Cept I couldn't fight back 'cos I had to hold on ta Gary. I thought I was gonna die, so I yelled like Gary did. Then all of a sudden they stopped hittin' me. 'Oward scared them away. He saved me. And then he brought me here."

Mrs. Moon smiled at Vince. "You were very brave to rescue Gary like that. And Howard, you were very brave to rescue Vince." Howard smiled proudly at the praise. Vince just kept petting his kitten. "Vince, I think you need to be getting home now. I'm sure your mother is frightened to death worrying about you."

"Um yeah," Vince looked down, "I guess so."

"How far off do you live Vince?"

"Oh... not very far. I can walk."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Vince stood from his seat at the kitchen table. "Thank you Mrs., uh..."

"Moon. And you're welcome. Now, as soon as you get home I want you to put some ice on your eyes. You've got some pretty good bruises."

"I will," Vince promised. "Thanks again for helpin' me. Both of you." Vince turned to leave.

"Can I go with him, Mum?" Howard pleaded.

"No. You have to do your homework, and it's almost time for supper."

"But-"

"No buts. You're not going."

"Oh, alright," Howard said sadly. "Come on Vince." Howard led the smaller boy back to the front door. "Will you be at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"I'll see you then. Bye Vince."

"Why'd you help me?" Vince blurted out before he could stop himself. "I mean," Vince stared at the floor, "You don't even talk to me. Well, nobody talks to me, but..." Vince trailed off.

"I helped you because you needed help."

Vince looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'll... I'll see you tomorrow 'Oward." Vince opened the door and stepped outside. He paused for a moment and looked back. He bit his lower lip in thought, then leapt back through the door and covered Howard in a hug. "Thanks for savin' me life," he said. With that Vince passed through the door once more and set off down the street, keeping careful hold of Gary.

Howard watched through the window until the fairy-like little boy disappeared.

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys, I hope you've enjoyed reading this first chapter. This is my first attempt at writing Boosh fiction, so I would appreciate any and all feedback! I know the "When Vince met Howard" story is a bit overdone, but I really wanted to have a go at it. Also, if anyone could suggest a better title for this story, that would be great. I got this one from the Queen song. :)**


	2. Strange Magic

At school the next morning, Howard was already seated quietly at his desk before the first bell even rang. He always was. The classroom, even when the teacher was absent, was a sort of sanctuary from the other children. No one else would be caught dead inside the building before they absolutely had to be. The self imposed isolation did nothing to help Howard's reputation among the other students, but it did a lot for his own sanity and physical well being.

When the bell rang Howard watched the kids pouring through the door with mild interest. He was watching out for Vince's distinctive haircut and diminutive figure. Three minutes later, every seat in the classroom had been filled save for Vince's. Howard was beginning to fret that Vince wasn't coming. Perhaps the smaller boy had been attacked again after leaving Howard's house yesterday. Howard had wanted to accompany him home, and the heavy feeling in his stomach was making him regret not disobeying his mother's orders.

Suddenly, mere moments before the second bell rang, Vince shuffled through the door. "Cutting it a bit close aren't we Mr. Noir?" the teacher commented from her desk.

"Sorry," Vince said. Keeping his head down, the blonde boy hurried to his seat. In doing so, he passed right next to Howard, and without looking up or stopping, he dropped a note on Howard's desk. As the teacher started class Howard unfolded the crumpled piece of paper. It read, in overly careful handwriting, "Come with me to the park after school?" Howard looked up from the note to see that Vince had turned around to look at him. Howard nodded and Vince smiled before turning to face forwards.

The bruises around Vince's eyes, Howard noticed, had only gotten worse since the day before. It looked as though Vince had smeared purple and blue eye shadow over his face. His eyes were also slightly puffy, but not swollen to the extent that Howard had expected. The terrible bruises explained why Vince was staring down at his desk with his hair swept around his face. Howard didn't blame him. He would have tried to hide too.

* * *

When class was excused for recess and lunch Howard lost track of Vince. Howard had to stand in line to get his lunch, but Vince had brought food from home. By the time Howard's tray was full he couldn't even see the telltale blonde hair among the sea of students in the cafeteria. So Howard sat by himself, hoping to find Vince on the playground.

Once Howard had finished eating he rushed outside to search for Vince. Howard had no idea where Vince usually spent his time during recess, so he decided to do a sweep of the entire playground. He started at the jungle gym. He looked underneath all of the slides, checked every swing, and peeped inside every plastic tube. No luck. So he moved on to the ball fields, but Vince wasn't playing football or throwing a baseball. Howard stalked the fence line, checking the outer reaches of the play area. Still, he saw no sign of the smaller boy. He repeated the search for a second time, but simply could not find Vince, and now they were being called back inside. Upon reaching the classroom the first thing Howard noticed was Vince. He was seated at his usual place up front. Howard was perplexed. He had searched every inch of the playground. How could he have missed one small boy? Howard had learned one thing. Noticeable though he was, Vince Noir was awfully good at disappearing.

* * *

When the final bell rang, instead of rushing out the door like he usually did, Vince gathered his things and approached Howard. "Do you still want to go to the park?" he asked cautiously.  
"Of course!" Howard said, a bit too loudly. "I mean... yes. Yes I do. I tried to find you at lunch, but you disappeared."  
"Yeah, I had... stuff to do. But you still want to go, that's great!" Vince smiled, the same blindingly bright smile that Howard remembered from back when Vince had first arrived at the school.

"Well, let's go." Howard pulled his backpack over his shoulders and the two boys walked out.

* * *

As soon as they got away from the school it was as though a light had been switched on in Vince. He didn't just walk anymore, no. He strolled, he sauntered, he all but floated down the street. He couldn't keep the electric smile that should have made him so popular at school off his face. The day was overcast, as it usually was, but Howard felt as though he was in the company of his own personal sun.

Vince led them down the street, chattering happily about anything that caught his fancy in the shop windows. Howard only half listened, sensing that Vince didn't require a reply, and probably would have been talking whether or not Howard was present. Howard got the feeling that Vince talked to himself a lot. It made sense, really. Vince was probably his own best friend.

Howard was pulled from his thoughts as Vince stopped abruptly. The blonde boy was staring longingly into a shop window. "I'll have them one day." Howard followed his gaze up to a pair of white knee high boots.

"Vince? You know that those are women's shoes, right?"

"Who cares? They're genius, is what they are."

"Whatever you say." The pair began to walk away, but Howard looked back for a moment. Topshop, he noted. He'd have to remember that.

As they got closer and closer to the park more and more people recognized Vince. There were numerous calls of "Oi Vince! Who's that ya with?"

Vince answered every call with "It's me mate Howard." Howard wasn't so sure that they were mates, but he didn't comment.

Upon reaching the park Vince led Howard through the trees to an open area near a large fountain. Benches were placed around the water feature. Pigeons had gathered to eat the bread crumbs being thrown by a couple of old ladies. "Vince, what are we doing here?" Howard asked.

"I have to prove somethin' to you." Vince started making cooing sounds.

Howard's heart sank. He shouldn't have come with Vince. Obviously the boy really was insane. Howard had heard about Vince 'talking' to birds on the playground at school, but he thought that the claims were exaggerated. But then, what had Vince said yesterday? _I was walking by the river, and I heard somebody yellin' 'Help! Help!'. _Did Vince really think that he could talk to animals? And not just birds, but cats too? What had Howard gotten himself into? He never should have come to the park, he never should have brought Vince to his house. This boy needed help. Serious help, the kind that could only be found at an institution. Those kids at school had been right.

"Vince?" Howard asked cautiously, not wanting to set Vince off now that he knew the smaller boy was insane.

"Just wait Howard." Vince continued cooing as the pigeons flapped about around him.

Now that he thought about it, Vince even looked crazy. No normal boy had hair that long. No normal boy decorated their school uniform. Heck, no normal boy lusted over a pair of women's boots. It even explained the greetings from the people on the street. Obviously the adults knew that he was mentally ill. He was probably like a pet to them. "Listen, Vince, it's been nice, but..."

"_Wait _Howard."

Howard shifted his feet nervously. What was the best way out of this situation? He was trying to be polite. He didn't want to upset Vince, but he didn't want to be around him either. He could just run away. That would work. But it would be rude. If there was one thing Howard wasn't, it was rude. But did manners count when dealing with insanity? Howard had just about made up his mind to run when Vince grabbed his wrist.

"Okay. C'mere." Vince pulled Howard to an empty bench and got him to stand on the seat. "Now look." Reluctantly, Howard looked in the direction Vince indicated. His mouth dropped open before he could stop it. The pigeons had rearranged themselves. The pigeons had formed letters. The letters read _HI HOWARD_. Howard stared at Vince in shock. The smaller boy stared back at Howard, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. His blue eyes, bright with hope and amusement, stood out starkly from the bruises on his face. "I'm not crazy," he said quietly.

Howard looked back and forth from the pigeons to Vince. "No. No you're not," he said. Vince beamed. Howard began to understand that he'd had his last truly _normal_ day.

* * *

**A/N: Hi! Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. So, a few things. 1. Thank you so, so much to everyone who reviewed! :) 2. I don't understand how the British school system works. I spent a huge amount of time reading about it, but I still don't understand. So, this story will have a more Americanized school system. I hope that's not a problem. 3. Sorry this chapter was shorter than the last. 4. How exactly are reviews dealt with on this site? Do I answer you each individually? Or do I answer in an author's note? and 5. PLEASE REVIEW Criticism is welcome. **


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